War Stories
by Songstone
Summary: Kakuzu often likes to tell stories of his Army Days. The only problem is that he tends to...'exaggerate' every now and again. -KakuHidan and Deidara...AU fic-


**War Stories**

**A story by Songstone**

**Songstone: Hai. 8D I had started this story a long time ago, and just now I went back to finish it. It might not be the best, but I find it amusing. 8D And yes, I love strange family trees. XD Just a warning.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto**

Kakuzu watched with a strange, very rare paternal gaze as Deidara put the scissors to his teddy bear and began to tear up the seams.

The blond was an odd child. One could see that just from looking at him.

The six-year-old was missing his left eye from an accident he'd had (Kakuzu guessed it had to do something with _scissors_ and _running_), and he wore his hair long, using the bangs to conceal the left side of his face. He has a glass replacement, but still, he was self conscious.

When Hidan had first laid eyes on the boy, he had been certain that Deidara was a girl. It took the caretaker in the orphanage an hour and a half to convince the man otherwise.

But by then, Kakuzu had already chosen Deidara as the kid that he wanted to adopt.

There was just a certain charm that the boy had when he looked up at the man with that one electric blue eye of his. He had that maniac grin as well; Kakuzu liked his attitude.

Hidan wasn't too keen on the idea, but after a week, he had really warmed up to the child, doting on him like the 'mother' Kakuzu knew he would behave like.

It had been a little over a year now, and Deidara had settled into Kakuzu and Hidan's home rather well. About a month ago, he had started to refer to Hidan as 'dad' and not too long after, he had called Kakuzu 'pappa' for the first time.

It was then that Kakuzu had been sure that he had made the right decision about adopting a child.

Having Deidara around had settled a lot of the arguing that Hidan and Kakuzu usually did to pass the time. They both had Deidara to look after, so they fought less and were on surprisingly better terms with one another.

"Stupid dishes...ugly as sin..." Hidan's irritated voice came from the kitchen just then, making Kakuzu glance up from where Deidara sat destroying his teddy bear.

The white haired man was walking between the sink and the cupboards where they stored their dishes, grumbling to himself as he put all of the clean plates and glasses away.

The brunette gave a grunt and roll of the eyes at those motions; stupid Hidan. Always complaining about one thing or another. First it would be the 'ugly' plates, then it would be the 'out-of-date' washing machine.

Him and his 'nice things'...

"Hey. Kid."

The blond on the ground lifted his head as he was acknowledged, pausing with the scissors for a moment.

Kakuzu rose his right arm up and pushed his sleeve back with his other hand. Once his forearm was exposed, he pointed to where a large scar lay, just beneath one of the lines of tattoos he had all over his body. "See this arm?" He asked.

Deidara's blue eye travelled to the arm that Kakuzu was mentioning, then he nodded slowly, shifting in his position until he was seated on his knees facing his adoptive father. "Yeah. Why, un?" He asked curiously.

"I lost it for a while when I was in the war."

_That_ seemed to spark an interest in the child, and his eye lit up with interest and disbelief. "No way!" He exclaimed, astounded by the thought.

Kakuzu only nodded his head. "No lie."

"How?" Was the inevitable question that followed Deidara's move forward. He stood besides the armchair where Kakuzu was, and stared a lot more closely at his right arm.

When the older man had patted his knee, and Deidara was seated comfortably, Kakuzu flexed the fingers on his right hand. "Y'see, it was back at least fifteen years ago, when the war with Kirikakure was going on; I was leading my troops out on a mission in enemy territory. We had to lay low, y'know? That way we wouldn't get captured.

"All would have gone smoothly, excpet for the fact that we ran right into an enemy camp sight while we were heading back to base. You should have _seen_ them, kid! Those dirty bastards, coming straight at us with guns and all sorts of knives..." Kakuzu shook his head, dark bangs falling in front of his face.

Deidara leaned against his pappa's shoulder, his big blue eye shining expectantly for the rest of the story.

Hidan also entered the room. He was leaned against the door frame of the kitchen, drying his hands on a towel now that he was finished with the dishes. He quirked a brow at hearing how his lover was telling another one of his war stories, but he stayed quiet, wanting to hear how this one played out.

"A lot of my men were wounded, or worse. But we'd gotten the enemies down to three; one of my other troops shot one of them dead and I took down another. But _that's_ when he came from behind."

"Who?" Deidara asked, seemingly absorbed in the story, as he always was when Kakuzu spoke of his Army Days.

"The last of the enemies, boy! He came from behind with no warning." Kakuzu explained. He held his right arm up again. "He was gonna kill me, but my buddy shot him down. What we didn't see was the grenade he had in his hand.

"As soon as I let my guard down..._boom_!" His sudden bellow not only made Deidara jump, but it startled Hidan, too. "Luckily, me and my buddy weren't close enough to get killed." The green eyed man continued after petting the blond's head. "But the explosion knocked this arm clean off!"

"Whoa, un..." Deidara breathed in awe. He grabbed Kakuzu's arm with both hands, feeling and stretching the skin to see if it was really attached. "How'd you get it back then?" He asked next.

"Well, y'see, I still had my troops to look after. The ones that were alive, anyway. And there was one kid who had lost a leg when the bomb went off. He couldn't walk, so I picked him up with one arm and carried him all the way back to camp."

"You _carried_ a guy all the way back with only one arm!?" The child stopped the prodding he had been doing to Kakuzu's arm and just stared at the man in shock.

"Yup." The brunette nodded and flexed his right arm again. "And once I got him to the doctors, _that's_ when I was able to have someone sew my arm back on."

"Wow, pappa, that's amazing, un!" The blond grinned wide, hugging onto the man's arm and tugging at it, just to be sure that it was still on and wouldn't suddenly fall off.

"Kakuzu, stop lying to the kid, would you?! Geez, you're fillin' his head with all kinds of bullshit stories just so that you can boost your ego! He's gonna grow up and find out that you're lying and then what'll you be? An old, lying bastard!"

Kakuzu shot a glare over his shoulder towards Hidan when the white haired man made his presence known. The look alone made the other stop his hollering, but still, Hidan huffed and crossed his arms in the doorway.

"Are you really lying, pappa? Un." Glancing back down towards the pouting child in his lap, Kakuzu shook his head.

"Now, would I lie about something like that?" He grabbed the boy up with one arm easily and swung him over his shoulder as he stood up from the chair. Deidara squealed in delight and clung to the back of the older man' shirt. "Come on, kid. Time for bed."

"Okay, un!" The blond agreed, still clutching onto Kakuzu for dear life as the man made his way past Hidan and upstairs towards the bedrooms.

Sighing and left alone downstairs, Hidan just walked towards the fireplace and kneeled down, picking up Deidara's mutilated teddy bear. He frowned, knowing that he would have to be the one to sew it up for the kid.

With another huff, the white haired man made his way upstairs and into his and Kakuzu's bedroom. He grabbed a needle and thread from the drawer next to his side of the bed and put it to the destroyed toy.

A few moments later, and Kakuzu was joining him in bed. The man crawled beneath the sheets and slumped into the mattress with a long, drawn out groan. "Kid wears me out..."

It was quiet between the two men for about five minutes, and then, naturally, Hidan broke the silence.

"One day, he's gonna find out that the scar you showed him was from a rock-climbing accident and not a bomb."

Kakuzu only sent another bone-chilling glare up at Hidan at that. "Shut up." He growled. After another pause and some shifting around, Kakuzu glanced back towards his lover. "Hey, Hidan, watch out for that charlie horse."

"What--" The punch to the leg made Hidan stop his question and yelp in surprise. He stopped the sewing he'd begun and craddled his leg as it cramped up. "Fucking...douche..." He hissed.

"Good night, Hidan." The brunette snickered, and then he rolled onto his side to get some sleep.

**Songstone: XD;; I'm proud of this story, and it amuses me. I hope that you guys liked it too! 8D I'd love to hear what you thought so R&R please! 8D**


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